Prepare-for-War

ing into my mind that I was being double minded. He was right! But somehow, I just didn't have the strength to stand up and fight. I was too involved in feeling sorry for myself. So, the struggle continued as I walked those filthy streets through the long night hours. I knew Father was very angry with me. Every time He tried to speak to me I told Him that He had let me down. (I shud der now to think I even dared to imagine such a thing of God Almighty!) It is a mark of God's pure grace that He did not strike me dead on the spot. He would certainly have been justified in doing so. Finally, as dawn started to break, I sat down exhausted on a broken curb, feet in the muddy water in the gutter, watch ing the trash and garbage float around my feet on its way down to the sewer. It had been drizzling rain and I was soaked, but I was too miserable to notice. Suddenly, that gentle voice of the Lord spoke to me again saying, "Talk to me, child." "I can't talk to you Lord, I don't feel any different than before, and all you do is get mad!" "But I am not mad at you, I never have been. You see, I, Jesus, know how you feel because I have experienced weakness. Father has never experienced weakness, so He usually gets angry when His people are weak." Then that beautiful scripture in Hebrews was flashed into my mind:

"For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews4:15-16

As my heart broke and tears started to flow down my face the Lord spoke again ever so gently, "Just ask for an extra measure of My grace, child, then stand up and fight." I did so and also asked Father's forgiveness for my self-pity

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